Entry title: my love for you is so deep snowy.. on one knows..
Date / Time : 2009年6月17日星期三 / 6/17/2009 05:13:00 上午
why can't i have snowy? ="[ i want snowy.. I'm just a background person.. they don't really care about me..
I'm the last they care for.. i know i might have to let go.. but mum let. mum let me keep him for this some time.. maybe she would let me adopt snowy.. i love snowy.. he just somehow got REALLY deep that night he stayed and slept with me..
i can't give him up.. just like i can't give HIM up.. i don't know why.. they mean something to me.. something precious..
it's so difficult to let go.. but i know that i do have to.. why can't snowy stay with me? i know i had let HIM go so it's my own fault.. but what about snowy? I've 'fought' so hard but i can't have him..
it's so unfair.. no one knows the hurt in me.. Celina did say sorry. at first i was, i was angry. very angry. i didn't want to talk to her. but she said sorry. i really felt her VERY sorry. so i forgave her. the anger just slowly faded.. it isn't her fault. it's Terrance and Ana that wanted Celina to take snowy because lamb was coming and they were afraid we couldn't cope.
but the next day they said Celina wants to adopt snowy.. and sis said that Terrance said that Celina said that i was pestering Celina to return snowy.. but Celina said Ana was afraid that mum wouldn't let us adopt snowy and if we took him back it might make snowy confused..
it hurt.. it really hurt. it hurt so badly.. i didn't dare ask if i was really pestering.. i didn't mean to.. i asked.. i asked Celina if i was in her way.. she said no.. i was really hurt, really angry.. i just wants snowy.. they don't care about me.. what can i do? say no? say i insist on wanting snowy back? waiting for them to hate me?
if it wasn't for them, i would have fight for snowy's return.. they don't know how much love was there.. i love him. i really do. who knows? who knows how deep the love is? no one.. no one can feel it.. only me..
till now, i can't let snowy go.. i know it's selfish.. but i just can't let go, just like i can't to HIM. love is difficult.. especially when you can't keep it.. i like the feeling of being loved and the feeling of loving someone.. but it hasn't last.. not snowy.. not HIM..
I'LL NEVER FORGET SNOWY. NEVER! HE WILL NEVER GO FROM MY HEART. I LOVE HIM NOW AND I ALWAYS WILL.
i wish maybe some day he can come and stay with me.. let me bring him out, play with him, watch him sleep and show him that I'll always love him.
but when he has to leave, the pain, the hurt, the heartbreak will be worst.. i cried.. just after the very first day i have seen him and he had to leave after just ONE day. i cried. if i ever got a chance to have him again but can't keep him.. what will i do? how long will the hurt last? so i don't know if it will be a good idea or not.. but i really wish he is mine.. mine always and forever.. will it happen? i don't really think so.. i think he will never be mine. never truly mine and never forever mine..
JeanetteTengSheeMin i'm in a world of my own (:95.30.08Animals Rule My Life 100 years old!
Proud to be Virgo~GMS(P), 3pa/4pa/5hope/6hope(i think. :x); Geylang Methodist School (sec) faith1-5/2-4/3-5
